Thankful.

After all that I have been through and all the pains that My life faced and will be facing, I still have reasons to be thankful for, some may be simple but I know that without those reasons, I wouldn't be standing here and still journeying.

I have lost and won battles.

In the middle of every battle, I know that there comes a time when I just wanted to give up and just accept failure and just walk away from it, there even comes a time when I want to end all of those battles with my rush decisions.

But in those times of darkness, some of the people who trust in me will never leave me and they will give me strength whenever I fall, they are the voices that tells me to never give up and give me a hand when i need one.

From their simple words of encouragement and their effort to make me laugh and smile for even just a minute, gives me hope... knowing that they are just around ready to be by my side when I need them, makes me wanna go on further and reach for my destination...

There are some who would listen to what i want to say for as long as i want to tell about how I feel... without judging me because of my weakness and my faults. Telling me to just be strong and that time will come where I can be myself and be happy about it.

I wouldn't say who those persons are but I'm sure that you guys know who you are. :D

I'm thankful for those persons, for their smiles, their encouraging words. thankful that some of them remembers to check up on me every once in a while.

Now, I feel calm. Not Happy but Calm, that's better. spending time with those people gives me the courage to face the uncertainties of tomorrow.

Now, I enjoy My solo adventures, well simple adventures actually, like watching movies by myself, dining out alone, my blissful walks in the malls, my solo happy book hunting, my solo plans. though I can still recall one public seizure I had, I was watching Twilight and I just realized I had a seizure 'coz my frapp was all over my shirt, but it's okay, I wasn't hurt and I didn't bumped my head. :D

I'm now even thinking of travelling alone in other far-far places :D (but of course, I still can't, due to my medical conditions), but i know that "my travelling alone time will come". :D but not for now. :)

I have realized that night times are also good because I would be able to see the moon and the stars that twinkles brightly. and RAINS... before I used to feel so down whenever it rains, now it's okay, because without rain, my pains would never be wash away. and storms are also good, because without those storms, I will never be strong. :D

My friend Chris, once told me: "If God won't let you climb the highest mountain, you would never see the other side of Life..."

*chris, now I know you're right. :D

Now I can look forward in My life. not a perfect life but a life that is calm and warm, it would sometimes be cold but it will pass, then i'll be welcoming sunshine again. :)

And someday somehow, I'll be Fine. :D

Old Poem

I wrote this poem when I was still in college (1st year college). Summer of 2001. -30.05.01-



The moment I told Myself I was losing You...
I asked Myself a million times
If ever you become Mine.

Maybe I was wrong to make My mind believe,
In what My heart does...

I made My own world with just you and Me
It was so wrong for Me to do that,
But I felt that it's what My heart wanted...

I made you promise Me promises...
You never did it for yourself nor for Me
But for what I wanted...

Now I'm taking consequences of My own
Blind decisions

I don't know who to blame...
But what I'm very sure of, is that you and Me
Were just victims of this feeling called
"LOVE"
Which I'm very tired of battling with
Alone...

If ever I would still feel this way for you
Even when the time has passed and things have changed...
I'll make sure that somehow in some way
I'll let you know how much
"I LOVE YOU..."



-I didn't include the title for a reason.

I Need to Be Away for Awhile. :D

it's not what you guys are thinking of... not really.

i just want to go away for awhile...

to have a quiet day(s) by myself and not think of anything. it's not an escape though, just a break from things around me... a short break, which i deserve...

i may be out of reach for days and please, i don't want anyone worrying about me, okay? :D just give me a little space to figure out some things...

i'm getting through every day just fine...

a friend once told me: "You cannot really forget about hurtful past, its more of replacing it with a much better memories..." and that's what i'm trying to do, remember each and every single happiness i felt now... :) (i even wrote them in my happee diary).

lately, i've been having memory lapses... badly. i can't remember where i left my things (ipod, cellphone, chargers, wallet, remote controls), i can't even remember if i already took my morning meds... i can't remember what day it is. yep, that's how bad it is... i don't know why, maybe its some of my medical condition side effects... i don't know. so i'll just go on with it and i do take notes of important things though.

and that's why i wanna go someplace far... but of course i'll be back, so there's no need to worry. :D

so if anyone texted me or i missed your calls... i'm really sorry... i try to keep myself away from my cellphone, personal matters. hehehe. :D

this also means, no blog posts, no web accounts updates. :D and this would also mean that you guys won't reach me here in makati. :D (hope some of you would miss me) hehehe. (pa-importante, bongga!) :D

but i'll see my college friends soon (missssssss themmmmm soooooooooo much). we're just waiting for pangs to be back, hayz... ang tagal naman kasi eh. :D

i miss going out with them, dine out, watch movies, "ang magpa-gala-gala" :D, *dru, i miss getting drunk, so be ready. okay? :D (joke lang po). :D

hope that when i get back, i'll be much better. *wink*

toodles! :D

My Happy New Year. :D

yes, it's 01:42am in my machine clock and here i am blogging.

I had a New Year Blast with my Family. :D we watched fireworks and give our best screams for every nice fireworks. it's soooooo fun. hehehe. :D (siguro, isang taon nanaman ako maingay, well for this year). I jumped as high as i can, gusto ko kasi sanang tumangkad (pa, kahit konti lang...) :D and we took pictures sa street. hehehe, with my mama and papa, kuya, cousins, niece's and nephew's, aunts. :D

i'll post some pictures in my multiply and friendster account (pero sorry for the low resolution ha, galing kasi sa phone ko) hehehe.

and i won't forget the part where i stumble in our stairs... hahaha!!! everyone saw it and they thought i was having a siezure... hehehe. :)) good thing i wasn't. nice start. :D (kahit pagod, walang siezure... pero humingi na ako gamot sa mama ko) hehehe. :D

ayun, we had our new year's eve dinner. :D YUM!!! (pero, i have to cut on my food intake, sa dahilang gusto ko lang... and hindi sya new year's resolution noh...)

after this blog, i'll sleep na, baka kasi matuloy kami ni Panget mamaya. kaya, rest na. :D

I'm just praying for a nice year for my family and me. my friends. :) i don't need this year to be perfect (who needs perfection anyway...) i'm just hoping that iy would be better than last year. :D and of course, less seizures. :D

so, to all my family and friends, HAPPY-HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! :D

God Bless. :D



xoxo



-ces