For That One Person Who Changed My Life

Okay, so I actually (again, for the nth time) don’t know how to start this blog post and this is how I usually got away, stating that I don’t know what to write when the truth is, there are just some things inside my mind that I am having a difficult time digesting...

I recently have decided to pursue a bachelor’s degree in Journalism and I am still and a 100 percent excited about it. I know it’s a little late for me when I have realized that it is something that I really want and it is something that’ll make me happy. I still have almost a month before classes start and I will be spending the rest of my two weeks here in the province. I love it here because it’s quiet and I can stay all day inside our home without getting hit by harsh sun rays, I love it here because I can have all the time to think about things that are important to me, also I love it here because I can write for as long as I want to and there are less city-sort-of-distractions for me. I do miss the city and my relatives back in Makati, my nieces’ and nephews’ laughter. Oh well, just a couple of weeks more.

I have been planning on posting yet another blog some few days ago and since I don’t have a decent internet connection here and I am only using my reliable BB to stay connected in the social media thingys, I have a reason to tell myself “You can post blogs all you want when you get back in the metro...”

What a crappy reason right?

So, the real reason why I wanted to blog right now is that I have been thinking about something, or rather someone for the past few months and I know that the chance I have is like 1 over a 100, I don’t even know how I started to feel this way (again...) Geez, here I go again...

I have always been a fighter, although I usually lost battles, it’s a fact actually, me losing a battle right and left. However, I know that I always fought a good fight. For me, I will only completely and truly lose when I give up... I will only lose when I tell this heart that you need to stop. But that’s not me, I am a person who has so much love that I always want to share it with other people, at least they have learned and felt love (somehow) because of the love I have...

You are now miles away from me and I know that you don’t even have the slightest idea that I feel this way for you. I won’t deny the fact that my heart skipped three beats when I saw you looking at me, I just can’t explain it but it felt really different...

I wasn’t suppose to attend that event (work related from my previous job) as I wasn’t feeling well the day before and I wasn’t even able to come to office Friday. On that Saturday morning, I was telling my co-EA that I may not be able to make it on the event with her, but she said that I have to be there and so I did. I attended the event without even thinking that I will feel that way for someone I don’t even know and someone I have never once met in the entire 28 years of my existence. I even told my co-EA that it was the other person (you are with) that I am attracted to. Well, that might be true, however, when I saw you looking at me (looking at that other person) my heart just stopped... I don’t know how it happened... I looked at you looking at me and I don’t even know how to react... I don’t know what you were thinking that moment... I even remember looking at you for the second time around and you were still looking at me... I will swim the all the seas on this planet just to know what you were thinking that time (even though I don’t know how to swim) I will still swim the deepest of the deepest seas...

I was given a chance to talk with you (more of “chat with you”) at first you were always answering my questions then lately things have changed... This made me think of things on your point of view. It got me thinking that maybe, you were just being nice and kind towards me. Maybe you’re just a really kind person and you don’t want to offend me, so you communicate with me (for that very short period of time.) All those maybes and more maybes... I know you will never feel the same way I feel for you, but that will not stop me from finding a way for me to let you know how I truly feel...

I have tried for so many times to write you a letter, but that will never be enough... I am now learning how to speak and write your language and it’ll take me months or maybe even years to be good at it. I have decided that someday, somehow I will tell you how my heart feels in person. It may take me years before I accomplish such an important thing, but it doesn’t really matter, just as long as I let you know. I don’t want to live my life with the regret of not being able to tell you that my heart feels this way. Right this very moment, the chance that you may feel the same for me is 1 percent... I can face with that reality, but not telling you how my heart feels is something I cannot live with, at least you’ll know...

I will only live once in this lifetime and I can never forgive myself if I won’t fight a good one this time. I would still be happy and thankful even if I fail to win this battle because at some point you have known how my heart feels for you.

I know, I know. People who may read this post may think I’m wasting my time, energy, and they may even think that what I wanted to do is going to be one-hell-of-a-crazy-ride and yes, it’s okay. They can think of me as one “Hopeless Girl” it’s not really important for me. Some people say I’m indifferent, well maybe I am.

However, for now I wanted to reach for my star first, so when I face you on that “One-Fine-Day” I will be someone complete. Someone who is better and stronger. Someone who may be able to change your life forever... Someone who tells you she loves you not because she wishes and hopes that you’ll love her in return, but loves you because you have change her life forever...

-Kring

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Sorry for the very long novel-like post. These things have been wandering inside my mind for quite some time now. They all want to be heard on these Written Thoughts...

Stay happy and thankful everyone. =)

Happy Birthday to My Darling Niece Jennifer-Papoopzy!!!

Happy Birthday My Darling Niece Jennifer-Papoopzy!!! ♥

Me Loves you to infinity and beyond! =D

Love,
☆ Ate Cil ☆