My Thank You's :D

Another year has passed, i can't say that it was a good year for me, but i have a lot to thank for. for the people who never left myside, who was with me through and through... for the ones who taught me about different things in life... for my family, especially my mama. :) who sticks with me like a bubblegum in my hair. :D for my friends, especially Lan, Pangs and of course, Panget. :D

Who would have thought that i'll have almost everything good and bad this year? but through it all, I'm still thankful.

I don't know what's to come for the next years of my life. i don't want to know, but I'm hoping that i can face all of it...

I send a sms to my family and friends to greet them and thank them. :D

I know that I'm not suppose to blog about Panget, but here it goes. hehehe. :D (I know you'll forgive me. :D) -You have been a great best buddy Panget... I've been through a fierce storm, and there you are, shining. "my little sunshine..." (matangkad ka nga pala...) hehehe!!! :D

and for Lan, my super-duper friend. who listens to me... and gives his opinions. :D ready to give his advice, as to not kill myself. hehehe. :D misshhhh you lan, see you soon ha? :D

for Pangs, kahit na napakalayo mo, malapit ka pa din... :D yun gusto ko sayo eh... hehehe. :D kita-kits tayo ha? umuwi ka na kasi dito sa kamaynilaan...hehehe. :)

for Jan, wah... thanks for everything ha... My good friend through and through... (ang alam ko eh, pamangkin na kita... tanda ko na talaga...) hehehe. :D

I have so much to thank for that its very hard to elucidate how i feel. :D

though I know that there would always be those times that I would want to end everything... I just hope that I would get through those times of darkness... :)

and of course, i want to thank God... for giving me all of this... :D

and my friends... I know that you all know who you are. :D

I'm just praying that I'll do better next year than I did this year... :) *fingers crossed, wink*

So, expect more entries from me. hehehe. :D


big hugs for bobert, ate jo, densyo, tupe mahal ko, papacabs, ate stephie, inggo mahal!, mommy, rica ganda and everyone dyan. hehehe! :D

and ate che. :D

most of all, "GAYLI" umuwi ka na nga kasi... hehehe. :D

xoxo


-ces

My Twilight Book Series

yes, i have the hard bound copies of the Twilight Series.

I won those book from the Market Cinemas, last 17.12.08. yep, i won the raffle!!! :D

wasn't able to blog about it, 'coz im so lazy... hehehe. :)) i was up for about 4 nights, reading the books... :D

i was planning on buying the books, and luckily i got them for free. :D

i soooooo like the story...

i have a new book by Sophie Kinsela, "The Undomestic Goddess". maybe i'll finish the book by tom a.m. hehehe. :)) i'm thyough reading the copy of "Remember Me?" also by S.K. i'm a book addict, "My own personal brand of Heroin". :D

and i saw a new book by JK Rowling, "The Tales of Beedle, The Bard" from the last sequel of HP. (the one that Dumbledore left for Hermione). I'll have a copy of that book (i'll asl my mom to give me a copy...) hehehe. :D

and for those who have my books, please... I need them back... I'm attached to my books... :) esp. my HP books (because some of the copies, were given to me as a gift...) and my Paulo Coelho novels. let me know when can i get them, okay? thanks! :D

Leaving It All Behind

late post: 26.12.08




Christmas has passed. I got through it just fine, better than I have thought.

I wasn't able to say goodbye to my friend... It's very difficult... I can't even tell him a single word of goodbye...

It was a nice afternoon yesterday, just have a nice conversation with a good friend. It was warm. very different with the cold days I used to have... a little sunshine right in my face.

I need to get back on my track, I have been lost for a while... and I need to find my way on my own. but I know I will... slowly.

I realized that I don't need someone to be with me, for me not to be alone... I know it would be a lonely journey, but of course there's those little sunshines on my way, just like yesterday.

I just cannot have all the things I want in life, that's reality. but then, I can have somethings I don't expect to come my way... that's better though.

It's better to leave that part of my past behind... so that I won't have to feel the emptiness every second... at least for now.

Next year, I have a decision to make... but it's for next year, so I'll just have to enjoy what I have for now.

It's nice to know that someone needs me, even if the reason would be so simple... it's still very nice.

I'll just leave every hurtful things behind, it's not an escape, it's more of loving Myself more and more each day...

Thank's Ate Che...

I don't know how to start this blog... but here it goes.

I had a chance to chat with ate Che kanina, she's my college best buddy's sister. i miss her na din... I'm so happy for her, she have a nice life, good hubby, and she's nice.

Nadagdagan na ngayon ng isa pang goal ang buhay ko...

"Pupunta ako sa UK, to visit her and kuya tantan."

That would be really nice... to see other part of this world... and to see her na din. she'll be home next year, so next year pa kami magkikita. pero who knows di ba?

But before all of that, aayusin ko muna ang sarili ko... kasi yun ang dapat at tama...

Sasabay ako kay Panget pag bumalik sya dun... para mas makulit at mas magulo... :D


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Ka-chat ko din si Chan-Chan kaninang tanghali... Nice to have him... i miss my friends na... i need them ngayon... just to have some shoulders to lean on pag medyo windang na ako... at ngayon yun... alam ko na sinabi kong kakayanin ko toh mag-isa, pero hindi din naman masama ang may friends na makasama paminsan-minsan eh... si Jason, aka. Pangs... miss ko na din sya... kasi dati, nasasabihan ko yan ng mga problems... Si Eunice, Si Jecy, Si Dru.

I badly need them... and I'm glad na nandyan sila, kahit malayo, nandyan pa din...

Naka-usap ko din si Panget, okay naman sya. work sya sa Rockwell ngayon, may project yata dun. good for him. I'll see him soon.

Naaalala ko pa dati, pag hindi ko na kaya... Sinasalo nya ako, si Panget. pero ngayon iba na eh, kailangan ko harapin ang problema ko ng ako lang... yung tipong hindi si Panget ang gagawa ng paraan para sa akin. mali din kasi ako dati, umasa kasi ako sa kanya...

Tsaka kailangan ko patunayan ang sarili ko, ng ako lang... na maipakita, maiparamdam, mapatunayan ko kay Rico na...

Mahal Ko Sya...

Mahal Ko si RICO...

Ito na yung huling chance ko... at hindi ko toh uurungan...


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May nakapag sabi sa akin kanina: "Hanggang kelan mo ba papatunayan ang sarili mo?"

Tama sya...

Alam ko ang mga pagkakamali ko... at itutuwid ko yun...

Sa tamang paraan...

Salamat Ton...


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May check up ako with my psychiatrist this august, to check if kailangan baguhin meds ko for depression... and kung ano pa kailangan ko e-take...

Kanina, hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko... ang lungkot kasi... nandun yung puntahan ko si aryz, makipag laro sa kanya at kay tyx, ang manood ng tv (sa kwarto, kina mami yan, kina mama belen), ang mag net, magpunta sa cr para umiyak, mag psp...

Pero malungkot pa din...

kaya ito, mag blog nalang... okay naman ako, konti. atleast okay pa din...


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Thanks Ate Che ha...

I'll see you and your hubby. :D

6 colors of MY Life...

doctor's day tomorrow... i have a new doctor, can't have an early schedule with Dr. "England". so now it's Dr. Jon Edward Jurilla. (i'll call him Ducati. i have a cousin who's name is Edward and has a motorcycle collection and loves Ducati.). we'll be early tomorrow. Dr. "Apple's" office opens at 9am but it's first come first server basis, so we have to be there early.

scared... for uncertain things that the neurologist would find...

right now, i feel like the world crushing in on me... so much feelings of anger, sadness, being lost , losing hope, being alone...

it's hard to explain how i feel... it's hard to fight these feelings. i'm doing my best...

i think i need Dr. "Teddy the Bear's"encouraging words now... i feel like dying...just plain dying...

where are my friends when i need them??? :(( so-called friends huh???

i'm so lost...

wish i could talk to someone who would just listen... and not tell me things...

wishful thinking...

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i bought a bracelet this morning, Dr. "Teddy the Bear" wants me to have a baller id, but i decided to have different colored strings for a bracelet. 6 colors of pink = me, blue = rico, white = God, green = life, orange = family, violet = friends. i placed it in my left wrist, so that every time i would want to end my life, i would think of my 6 precious colors... i also bought one for rico. :)

i had a super "shake your body" moment this morning... i feel tired and exhausted...

i wanna feel the sun shine against my face again... to see sunlight in a more meaingful way... to laugh and let my heart feel that laughter.

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i bought a book by Paulo Coelho just an hour ago, it's titled "Brida", i have been wanting to read this book for so long, so here it is. ready for my eyes to read and for my heart to feel...

i'll blog about it, after i finished reading it.

i love Paulo Coelho books, i love his writings... i even dreamed of writing a book ala Paulo Coelho inspired book. maybe someday...

i wanted to be a writer and i wanted to be a lawyer, that was what i really wanted... or an interior designer maybe. :)

some dreams i have huh???

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i'll blog about my doctor's day tomorrow, if i still have the strength to do so.my last appointment schedule is with Dr. "Ducati" at 04:30pm tomorrow.

hayz...

breathing...