6 colors of MY Life...

doctor's day tomorrow... i have a new doctor, can't have an early schedule with Dr. "England". so now it's Dr. Jon Edward Jurilla. (i'll call him Ducati. i have a cousin who's name is Edward and has a motorcycle collection and loves Ducati.). we'll be early tomorrow. Dr. "Apple's" office opens at 9am but it's first come first server basis, so we have to be there early.

scared... for uncertain things that the neurologist would find...

right now, i feel like the world crushing in on me... so much feelings of anger, sadness, being lost , losing hope, being alone...

it's hard to explain how i feel... it's hard to fight these feelings. i'm doing my best...

i think i need Dr. "Teddy the Bear's"encouraging words now... i feel like dying...just plain dying...

where are my friends when i need them??? :(( so-called friends huh???

i'm so lost...

wish i could talk to someone who would just listen... and not tell me things...

wishful thinking...

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i bought a bracelet this morning, Dr. "Teddy the Bear" wants me to have a baller id, but i decided to have different colored strings for a bracelet. 6 colors of pink = me, blue = rico, white = God, green = life, orange = family, violet = friends. i placed it in my left wrist, so that every time i would want to end my life, i would think of my 6 precious colors... i also bought one for rico. :)

i had a super "shake your body" moment this morning... i feel tired and exhausted...

i wanna feel the sun shine against my face again... to see sunlight in a more meaingful way... to laugh and let my heart feel that laughter.

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i bought a book by Paulo Coelho just an hour ago, it's titled "Brida", i have been wanting to read this book for so long, so here it is. ready for my eyes to read and for my heart to feel...

i'll blog about it, after i finished reading it.

i love Paulo Coelho books, i love his writings... i even dreamed of writing a book ala Paulo Coelho inspired book. maybe someday...

i wanted to be a writer and i wanted to be a lawyer, that was what i really wanted... or an interior designer maybe. :)

some dreams i have huh???

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i'll blog about my doctor's day tomorrow, if i still have the strength to do so.my last appointment schedule is with Dr. "Ducati" at 04:30pm tomorrow.

hayz...

breathing...