I Need to be Back on the Line

It's 05:16am in my machine clock and I should have been working all night and early morning long... but I was so sleepy, I wasn't able to do so.

I do have a job and it's a home based job, where I am a Writer.

I have been a freelance provider in oDesk for almost a year now and I must keep up with all my work, projects and assignments.

I'm just really not feeling well this past few days and whenever I feel sick, it's very difficult for me to write.

I am now sipping an ice cold latte and I am here in my cousin's attic, well its not really like a dirty attic, it's actually a nice comfy room that looks like an attic. I have this really small corner all for myself and it feels good to be in this corner.

I will be working all day today and I should keep up my pace.

I've actually been out of myself lately... Some things from my past keeps on flashing back even in my dreams and it is not a good thing for me. Anything that reminds me of My Past is not good for me or my health and it worries me...

I would have to say that this affects me, everyday...

I have to get back on track and I must not keep my guards down... I can't and I won't. I must keep my head up high even though most of the times I feel like crying and just giving up.

I hate to be in this kind of situation and I cannot go back to my sulky self. I must be strong and steady. I should...

Never Glance Back.

Happy Birthday Mama. I Love You. =)

It's my mom's birthday tomorrow and I wish her many more birthdays to come, good health, happiness and blessings from God. =)

My mama is someone really cool, not because she always say yes to what I want but because she is the only person in this world that I know and I am sure, Loves Me the most...

Mama is a strong woman with deep faith in our Creator. She never winders when storm often converge and she stands tall when I am about to fall. My Mama is My Bestfriend and My Shelter. =)

She never tell me (even though I know) I am tamad (tamad magluto and tamad nag ayos higaan sa hapon). =P

She thinks of her children and always keeps them her top priority next to God. =) She can sometimes be very over protective but I know she acts that way because she don't want anything bad happen to me. =)

My Mama is the Best Mama in this whole wide world. I am proud to say She is My Mama and I am Her Daughter.

I will always be by My Mama's side, through thick and thin. I will assure her that I will give back all the Love she gave me. I will never let anyone hurt my Mama, because if someone made that very wrong move, I will make sure that I won't get mad but get even. =) hahaha. *evil laugh* =P

Happy birthday again Ma. =) You're more than just the best Mom, You're also one of the Strongest Woman I know. Love You Ma. =)

-Cil

I am a Filipino. I Vote for Our Nation. =)

I Vote Today not because I have to, but rather because I want to. I voted based on what I believe and voted for the Candidates whom I know and I am sure will make a Huge Difference for the Filipino People. I didn't vote based on who is the Poor or who is the Rich. I am not the type of Person who will be persuaded with advertisements or with what other people think. I Vote not just for Myself but for My Nation. Let's all Vote for Someone who have the Heart, the Conscience, the Dignity, the Capability not to Rule but to Guide the Philippines, the Compassion, Faith in God and especially those who Acted for the sake of others. Let's make a difference and build up our Nation. Let's all start Today. =)

For My Mama and All the Mom's, Happy Mother's Day! =D

Mom's are always the best person in this whole wide world. =)

She's always strong and courageous, making sure that her kids are all doing fine. Keeping them safe and happy. You know you're safe when you're mom is around and you'll be sure that you'll never be alone because she will be with you all the time. =)

Moms are often tired from taking care of us but you'll never hear them say "I'm tired..." She'll be waiting for you when you enter the house from school/work and you'll be pampered by her because she knows you had a long day. =D

Mom cooks really good food and will often ask what do you want for lunch or for dinner. She laughs and smile when you try to be funny. She stands tall when your world is shaking, She gives out her hand and you'll be sure she will never let go when you feel tired from everything.

My Mama, She's the Best. Taking good care of Me even when I'm old enough to be taking care of myself. =D

So Mama, You can also be sure that I will always be by your side taking good care of you every single day. =D Love You Ma! =D

And to all the Mom's, May you always be happy, fulfilled and blessed. =) Love You Groovy Moms =D


Love Loads,
-Ces

Blue Notebook

I don't know how to start what I wanted to say...

All I have is a Blue Notebook and some Letters for people I love and care for.

That Blue Notebook holds everything that is dear to me, it is full of unexplainable feelings, thoughts, wishes and dreams. That Blue Notebook is Me.

There are some things that is very hard for me to explain and even more difficult for me to understand. I always feel alone even though I have my family with me... The feeling of aloneness comes from deep inside me and I'm tired of it.

I don't know if I am a bad person for not being able to understand others 100 percent. I am doing my best to be someone they want me to be. Someone strong. I don't know why people expect me to be someone who'll fit their lives...

I really don't want to make Epilepsy an excuse to not understand others and for them not to understand me... Who would want something like this? I'm sure no one will take my place even for just an hour.

I feel stupid acting like a fool. It hurts me to be like me... =(

Someone once told me "I will be with you as long as you need me..." but that wasn't true... I don't believe in words like those...

I feel pain and I know something is not right. I don't want anyone to know because I have learned that if you feel pain, just keep it to yourself... I learned that and I hold those words in my heart...

No one sees the real me. When they look at me, they'll see someone who laughs. Someone who makes people laugh. They see me strong, tough and cold... But the real me is far from that person I play everyday...

I'm sad because after 26 hard years of my life, I haven't found that one true love... Never had someone who don't judge me. I never had someone who kept their promise... I feel sad because I am sick and there is no cure for my condition... and people often judge me and say awful things about me...

I feel sad for a reason that only me knows and only me will understand... =(