The Never Good Enough Me

At times like now, I can truly see how darkness converge in on me. I was never good enough for anyone... They make me feel like I have never done any single right thing for the past 28 years of my life... I was never a good daughter or sister, or a good person...

I was never good enough... Let alone a qualified person to deserve a simple life.

Haven't I been good at times when everything in our lives seem to fail? Wasn't I a good daughter to my parents? Haven't I suffered enough from all the pain, sadness, struggles, failures, and some sacrifices that I have to face for some other people to feel better and happy?

If I were to compute all the tears that has fallen from my eyes, it'll be infinite and way beyond anyone can imagine. I always wear this smile so that people won't see how weak I am...

I remember one person telling me this: "People leave you because of you..." Well, maybe that person is right, maybe because I am never good enough.

Maybe it is better that I'd rather live my life alone and not bring any more suffering (as that's what they always tell me, I am such a burden to them all...) to the people around me.

I have given my best in everything yet I always seem to fail, fail in a manner that I am always such a disappointment. Maybe that is also one reason why people can't stand to love me. They have never appreciated the simple things I can do or the simple gestures I show them, maybe simple things don't really matter...

I just want to go and leave all the pain and sadness behind me. All the not-so-good things that people tell me and in return, no matter how hard I try not to tell them not-so good things because I feel hurt, it all ends up with me feeling sadness.

Nobody knows or neither they can see how sad I am. They never asked me if I am okay. But then of course, I would always say that I am quite good. Knowing that they're just curios and they never really care.

I have been fighting a hopeless battle and yet here I am, weak from all the blows and scratches life brings me, still I try to see some little light and maybe some day, someone to save me from all these...

I may never be good enough, but still I know inside me, I can still stand.