Just Another Day for Me...

Today is such a gloomy day, gray clouds hovering in the sky, blocking the sunshine from bringing warmth in my face.

I feel really sad. I know the reason for my sadness and there’s no anti-depressive meds that can take this pain away. I should have done these ancient years ago. There’s not really a goodbye between me and my friend. I can’t say goodbye, because I know I wouldn’t be able to do so… I have learned not say goodbye but instead, just leave… there’s no need for goodbye… no need for finality…

I have become so cold from the past months that went by… now, I don’t easily cry, like before… now I am so good with blocking painful things that passes my life. I think my brain shuts down automatically whenever a painful download is about to take place. Then when I’ve already forgot about that painful feeling, my brain gears up again. Now, my heart is just a part of my body that enables blood to circulate in my system, my heart doesn’t feel anything no more… not like before. My brain is now in control… because I will never be so careless to let my heart take charge of everything…

You can call me cold hearted but no one can judge me because of my faults and my weakness. No one has the right to judge anyone… just because of how they are… I’ve learned that well too… people judging me because of who I am and what I can and cannot do… I’m sick and tired of them people…

One day, when the sun strikes hardest. You will all see me shine. But never I would look down upon anyone, because if I do so, I will not be different from the people who judge like they know everything and anything in this world…

I am now in the point of no return… I don’t care if I am walking in the dark alone or if am journeying alone. I don’t care if I am weak or strong enough to get through…

So saying goodbye for me is now too easy… painful yes, but easy to bear… because I have learned on how to bear goodbyes alone… and now, I am very good with it… and can even be better…

As for the sadness, it still gives me the hard time… too bad, I still feel sadness… I guess it’s always a part who I am…

Like this days gloomy feeling… just another day of gray sky for me…