"Than..." by: Kring

I used to be a contributor, then become a writer and an editor for our school newspaper some years ago, UPGRADE the Official Newsletter of Mapua IT Center had become my family and I miss our adviser Ma'am Neds, my friends and schoolmates whom I get to work with for quite some time. =)

I saw an old copy of UPGRADE and it was dated from way back late 2005. Volume 2, Issue 7, December 2005 and it made me laugh to see one old article-like from me. This made me laugh because I remembered funny, happy, not-so-happy and sad moments about a friend whom I wrote about. =P

"Sorry naman Dan, natawa ako dito. Promise!* hahaha! =P

= = = =

It was exactly one hundred days, eight hours, seven minutes and fifteen seconds from the very first moment that I have seen you sitting at the student lobby...

You were the first person who caught my attention. I don't know but there's something about you that makes me keep on looking and staring. I actually hated myself because I kept looking at where you are and it's funny 'coz I saw you glancing back at me. But then maybe, my mind was just playing tricks on me. (I also hated manong guard for telling me to take my shoes off the bench while browsing into my new student handbook and enjoying my little moment of just plainly staring at you... hmpt!) I told myself "hmmm... pwede... pwedeng pwede..." but to tell you frankly, you're not my type! Well, not my usual type... pero pwede...

My first impression of you? "Suplado".

After that special moment in the student lobby, I can't help but wonder and think of you. That sudden moment  I glanced at you, it felt so strange (sabi nga ni Harry Potter "it was like magic!"). And it really was! Your eyes were saying things that I can't understand, and maybe, I never will.

I was thinking of a way to know you. (Kahit nga pangalan mo lang okay na eh.) I never thought that we were  actually classmates (kala ko kasi sa School of IT ka... YES! sa MITc ka pala! Para akong tumama sa Lotto!). Hehehe.

The first conversation that we had? At the East Mezzanine (sa labas ng CISCO room). I remembered someone asked you if you belong to the CISCO 01 class and thank God you do! And you know what else? you actually sat right beside me! (hay... how kilig to the bones I felt deep inside...) From then on, we became friends. My newly-found friend.

I tried so hard to deny it to myself and to others how I am starting to fall for you. But I just can't help it. Everything about makes me fall for you even harder each day. Your personality, your attitude, the way you smile every time you see me (kahit na minsan puyat ka), the way you make me smile in return ('coz its been so long since the last time I smiled that way, so long that I actually forgotten how to), how artistically gifted you are, how we both love Final Fantasy, when you sat right next to me in the hallway while waiting for our professors (and you'd tell me how your day was the day before). Those were the simple things that made me fell for you.

I had fun when I get to tease you and tell you "Bakla ka kasi..." and you'll ask me "Mukha ba talaga akong bakla?" And I'd say "Oo" seriously. Hehehe... When I got the chance to "torture you" as you always told me, when I beat you up so badly, when you got nervous because you thought I'm mad at you, and when you tell me you're sorry because you were a little late replying my text messages. In short, I like it when you do such things for me. It means so much...

I like it when you brought my things for me, when I tell you "Uy, bitbitin mo na yung bag ko..." and you'll suddenly bring it for me, when you opened the doors for me. It was really nice of you to do simple things for me. Simple yet meaningful...

I love it when you'll suddenly look into my eyes and stare at me for as long as you want (haven't you noticed that I can't fight it? How stupid can you be?) Do you remember the time I told you how beautiful your eyes were? They're like the stars in a very stormy night and the most adorable pair of eyes I've ever seen in my whole life, well, it's true...) And also how sweet you smell... and that it lingers...

When you told me stupid and funny things that made me laugh so hard and the way you laughed in return, when I blurted you some jokes (kahit na nga minsan eh corny, okay pa rin sa'yo).

I always look forward to another school day with you, though it may not seem that way.

When I am not with you I always wanted to make lambing... but when I'm with you... I just don't know what to do. So I end up making your day miserable and horrible. Sometimes we end up being offended by each other (di ba nga sabi mo matampuhin ako).

When you smile and say hi to other girls in school, I felt jealous. I know I should not feel that way simply because I don't have the right to feel that way. But I still feel jealous and you know what my defense mechanism is? I don't talk to you for a while. When you're sitting next to those girls and you looked at me, I always tried to snub you. (Hmmppp!) I don't know if those gestures I showed you sent you the signals or if it was able to reveal even simple signs to you (exagge noh? Kahit na!).

"When you try to look into my eyes, I don't want that moment to end for I want to cherish it forever..."

Ika nga ni kumpareng Christian Bautista:

No one ever saw me like you do.
All the things that I could add up to.
I never know just what a smile was worth
But YOUR EYES see everything
Without a single word

"Coz there's somethin' in the way you look at me
It's as if my heart knows you're the missing piece
You make me believe that there's nothin' in this world I can't be
I never know what you see
But there's something in the way you look at me...

"Yang mga tingin mong yan... nakaka-irita na nakaka-kilig..."

It's weird when I always want you to look at me that way forever and I'll tell you "wag mo nga akong tinitingnan ng ganyan"sor (but how super duper kilig naman I am...) There are times when you're so irritating and you'll reach for me and say "sorry na po..." and I'll tell you "wag mo nga akong hahawakan!" (hmmp, eh if I know, gusto ko naman yun! How stupid nga naman can I be di ba?)

Sometimes when people fall in love, they tend to act so stupid. But that stupidity is just one of the signs that we really are in love. Stupid or not, "I know how I feel for you..."

 I never had the intention of writing this article. It's not even because I do not want to cram when my deadline is nearly approaching, or to just come up with a good article for the coming issue of Upgrade. Every word in this article came straight from my heart and I never had any hesitations in writing each and every word of it, and I never will.

I value friendship more than all my friends think I do. Writing about how I feel through this article, may result in any of these two things: I may lose YOU... or I may have YOU... Forever... Forever... Forever...

Am I really ready for the circumstances? I don't know. For me, letting the person know how you feel towards him is really important. We may never know what could happen di ba? and no one could even know the ending of this ka-kilig-kilig story of mine...

Some say that this world is a battlefield. You must know how to survive or else, you'll lose it all. It's the same thing with falling in love. we love because it's in our nature. Sabi nga nila "fight for what you really feel", but once you did fight for it we must not expect for things to come our way.

I don't know if I could ever cross the boundaries of friendship and love (once more) and it's for me to decide. Will I ever set my feelings on the line? Are you really worth the pages of this article? Am I ready to fall so fast and fall so hard? But knowing in the end, I may fell flat on the ground, still, my answer will be a resounding YES.

I am very sure that you will read all of the words incorporated here as it all came from my mind and heart (sa UPGRADE pa, sosyal ito! Ibang level!). I guess this is the only way for me to let you know. I know that I am not perfect and will never be. I don't know how you would react, either you smile or be shocked (hoy! OA na pag sumigaw ka pa ha! Hehehe!). People around us - friends, professors, classmates or ka-MITc natin will surely react and voice-out opinions. PAKIALAM KO NAMAN, MAHAL KITA eh!!!

And the best thing about you? "YOU bring out the best in ME..."

When I'm with you, I feel like there's nothing that I can do. It feels like i can conquer the whole world. Para na nga akong si CISCO Woman eh. I was never greater in CISCO 01 class until recently (nakita mo naman ang grades ko noh, tumataginting na 1.25. Magkatabi kasi tayo dun sa room na yun eh). Whenever I'm into something that I think is a bit impossible for me to overcome, I know you're always there for me to hold on to (oh, kinilig ka naman). Sabi mo nga "Kaya natin yan!"

Siguro hangga't hindi pa napa-publish itong Upgrade, I'll just cherish the moments I've been with you. For now kasi, I can have you every time I want to (uto-uto ka kasi... biro lang). Sana ganyan ka nalang palagi noh? But we both know that things do change. Nothing stays the same. If the time comes that you have decided to change, I am sure that it will be very hard for me. I may never show you how those changes would hurt me but I want you to remember that deep inside, I am hurting...

If goodbye will be the result for my undeniable revelation, so be it... "I would rather lose someone who was never really mine right from the start, than to have you but not have you at all..."

Sigurado ako by now alam mo na... Makakatingin pa kaya ako sa'yo, sa maga mata mo, tulad ng dati? SANA...

Kahit saan pa tayo makarating, nandito lang ako palagi para sayo. You may never realize, that right from the start, I have always been here for you... Kasi nga Mahal Kita...

Whatever your decisions may be, right after reading this article, i will accept it because that's just the way it is. But I want you to keep this simple message in your mind and in your heart:

"Even if I feel this way for you, it will never change the fact that we are friends and our friendship is stronger THAN, we both think it is..."

Please hold on...


22nd of April 2005 18:35:15


= = = =

To Dan,

Hahaha! We are still friends now. Not that close like we were before, but still we're friends... =) reading through this made me laugh! Hahaha!

I pray you find that one love you deserve. Stay happy! =)

-Kring